So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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