I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
