I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
