I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
