I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
