the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We don't watch enough power rangers
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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