I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
