I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
