its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
