everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
