I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
