I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
