drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
