In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
