Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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