He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
