Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
