I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
