I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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