well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
