her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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