you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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