She announced her abortion via fbk
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
