You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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