She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
