So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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