so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
