Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
