yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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