Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think a kid would responsible me up
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
