Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is Oprah even human
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
