I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
