I love black thongs
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
