i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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