And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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