I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
