Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
