You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
