You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
