Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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