I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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