I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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