I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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