i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
