I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
