I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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