I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
