Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
