***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
