i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
