1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
