I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
