i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
