Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
