I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
