i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
