peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
