I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I need water and some morals
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
