Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
