OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
