I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
