dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
