does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
