vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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