I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
