I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
