it hurts more in the daytime
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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