Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
