Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
