At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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