Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He passed out mid-signature
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
