sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize