haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize