Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
